Everything Will Fall Into Place…
“You’ve just beaten cancer, now everything will fall into place….” were the words my younger brother said to me a few moments after I told him I’d been declared cancer-free on the 5th of November, 2021.
His words have been repeating over the years since then and have begun to take on new meanings for me. Even though I can’t talk to him the way I used to, I feel that he is around me, nudging me onward towards the things that I need in my life.
Yesterday, the 17th of March, was my four-year anniversary of being diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer during the longest lockdown we’d had since the pandemic began. The vaccines had just started for those older and more vulnerable, and suddenly, with the diagnosis, I was jumped to the front of the queue. I didn’t think I’d live to see the end of that year, let alone be alive four years later to reflect on this moment in my life.
So much has happened in four years, so much tragedy in my family, and yet so much to be grateful for, too. My brother was so inspiring to me when he was alive and still is a source of inspiration since he stepped out of this life in 2021. In a way, he taught me how to live because he did so much in just 42 years of life.
Now that I’ve had cancer, lived to tell the tale, and experienced the deaths of so many family members and friends in these four years, I feel that these moments of life we live are the most precious. Not much scares me now that I’ve faced my death and watched those I love leave this world. So this year, I’ve decided to face old fears that have kept me stuck and hopefully conquer them to see where the adventure takes me.
I was very shy when I was younger, and only through being a teacher I slowly began to conquer that shyness. Now, to improve my teaching and hopefully organise my thoughts better, I’ve enrolled in a public speaking course in London.
When I think about how daunting it will be to stand before an audience of strangers, I ask myself if I would rather be in the spotlight on a stage or if I would rather be sitting in a chemo ward, fighting for my life. This always puts things in perspective and gives me a burst of gratitude that I can reflect in this way.
Beating cancer and leaving that pain and terror behind feels incredible, and everything I put my mind to will “fall into place”, as my wise younger brother predicted. All that I have to do is take the first step and dare myself to try something new, unexpected, and out of character to see where this life will lead me and, in those new moments of unexpectedness, where I end up and what I learn along the way will hopefully lead to future moments of reflection to inspire gratitude and a thrill of being alive.
One of my favourite quotes from J.R.R Tolkien feels very applicable here: “It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door. You step into the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
So begins my adventure tomorrow into conquering my fears of public speaking. I’m looking forward to each moment, especially the lessons I’ll learn along the way.
Peace and love to all.
